you’ve gotta understand i don’t post on here to gain followers i do it to empty my mind ruthlessly each day so i dont go insane . me posting about a character is just me shaking my brain upside down to make sure everything comes out

literally i cannot stress how important it is that everyone has a thing.

i do not care if it is a color or a hobby or an animal, everyone needs to have a thing so that their friends can see that thing and think of them that's what being alive is all about

Everyone should read their own fanfics recreationally tbh this shit fucking rules. It's like the author knows exactly what I like.

is the world really such a terrible place? yesterday i asked if oat milk was extra and the barista said yes so i said ok just regular milk then and when she gave me my chai latte she whispered “i used oat milk ;)” doesnt that make u want to live another day?

here is my life philosophy: next week there might be someone ahead of you in line at the store who’s short a quarter and you have a quarter and you can give it to them. if you weren’t there, they’d have to put something back. the week after that you could be getting lunch and the waiter might ask if you want some pancakes someone else ordered and never picked up. you could find someone’s lost cat. you could watch someone’s bag while they go to the restroom. there are so many ways you are going to touch other people’s lives and they are going to touch yours and there’s no way to know when it’s going to happen. so you have to keep living!!! i wouldn’t want to die knowing that tomorrow the barista will give me free oat milk just to be nice. 

When I was 11 years old - we went to Sea World for my birthday. This was to avoid the realization I had no friends, and no one to come to a birthday party and probably because someone gave my mother free tickets at work. It was kinda a shitty day despite being at a theme park full of cute animals. There was a new roller coaster there that had just opened so we decided to go on. I was nervous. I’d never been on a roller coaster.

A group of 6 college kids were ahead of us in line and started chatting with me. Full on just having a fun conversation with someone literally going through the beginning of a very awkward middle school period. I was so shocked they wanted to talk to me. I think my mom mentioned it was my birthday. They were very nice about it. When we got on the ride they told us to go ahead of them so we could sit at the front of the car since it held 8 people.

Now the ride (called Journey to Atlantis - I believe it is sadly no longer there) started with a slow ride of beautiful visuals of dolphins and oceans and computerized images of this imaginary Atlantis before going up the hill to the beginning of the coaster, where it paused for about 30 seconds, and then the ride started. The college kids must have known there would be a pause. Maybe they’d ridden it before I’m not sure.

But as we sat there on that peak, 6 people I’ve never known, and will never know again, sang a very very lonely 11 year old happy birthday. Loudly. And with gusto. They were happy and laughing and joyful. And it made me feel less alone in the world.

I am 29 years old this year, and I still remember them. I still remember that kindness. It is so important. It doesn’t go into a vacuum. It exists beside me in my daily life. And I love the idea that I have been that person to someone else too.

It’s stunningly lovely to be human when we’re kind to each other.

beep beep sometimes when you have been in survival mode for a long time the parts of you dedicated to Wanting Things atrophy and you forget how to envision a future that feels rewarding because you are busy with the business of staying alive, and it can seem like your life must be pointless because you can’t imagine any long term goals. sometimes even when you leave survival mode you can’t remember how to Want Things. that doesn’t mean you need to give up on having a good and fulfilling life, it just means that Wanting Things is a muscle you need to gradually strengthen. the part of you that has dreams and aspirations is still there, it just fell asleep, but if you wiggle it enough it can and will regain feeling. it’s okay to start small

Very upsetting that on this fresh morning in this broken world I am subjected to emails

I don’t know what you’re doing with your one wild and precious life but I’m making tables in word documents

The soft animal of my body does not love spreadsheets

All my life I was a bride married to amazement but unfortunately I also had to attend zoom meetings

i want mineral water with as many minerals as you can physically put in the water

i want you to get the water, go outside, pick up a piece of gravel, and dissolve it into the water

i want my water to crunch when i chew it, like eating sand

i want to guzzle wet pebbles

i am chewing on damp basalt as we speak

i want silt

i want sand

i want clay

i want loam

in my mouth

crickey what

why is there a Heian period japanese illustration of this exact event

I keep forgetting to upload here so here's some self portrait isopods from my retail sketchbook/diary

nobody is coming to save you. get up

Certain words can change your brain forever and ever so you do have to be very careful about it.